Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
