I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
