Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
