you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
