I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
