drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize