so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
