I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize