I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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