A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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