So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
