I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How external is "for external use only"?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
