im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
