Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
