Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
