Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
