I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
