My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize