Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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