so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
