Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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