I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
