this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
