I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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