worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
