i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
