Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
