I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
