i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
