He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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