Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
