maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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