i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
