i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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