I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
