tell your sister to shave her snatch
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
