I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
