she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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