just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
