Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
