He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize