she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
