His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
