I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Can Purell be used as lube?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize