There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
