I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize