Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
