You made me cry and you don't even care
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
