I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's great music for shaving your balls
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
