Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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