shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
