I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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