I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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