It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
