I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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