glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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