you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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