It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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