she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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