I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My liver is preforming stress tests.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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