my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
