I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
