i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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