he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
