apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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