Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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