told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
