Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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