I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
