She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
