shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
last night I used snow as a chaser
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
