Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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