My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
