I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Operation Purity has been aborted
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
